Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
