Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
