She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
