WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
