you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
