the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
