if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
