and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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