I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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