You made me cry and you don't even care
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
