If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
