How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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