I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
