so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
