We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
