the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
