actually, I'm a sock model
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Randomize
