I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
