I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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