Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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