is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
