my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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