it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
