She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
