Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Its about making memories worth repressing
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
