Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
