i was born a porn star she said
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
