Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
