i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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