I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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