I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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