It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
