What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
