soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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