It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
