He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
