wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
