Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it's like iHOP with fire
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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