After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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