Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
