I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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