I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
3 2 1 whiskey
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
