because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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