I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
