No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
