i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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