I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
