Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sorry my hands just texted you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
