he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
