I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
