i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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