either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
