I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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